On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Green mimosas i think yes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
