I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
