That's when you crack a 10am beer
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
