My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
