if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
