i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
