hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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