And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I could make wine with my vomit
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm at about main and main street
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
