six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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