Already got asked if we're dating
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
