I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
