At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
