I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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