i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
