he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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