What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just blew my weed a kiss
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
