Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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