One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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