Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
