Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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