Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
