Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
