YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize