But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
