i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
COCAINE IS GR8
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
