help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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