She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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