We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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