Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I could fuck to npr.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
