So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
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so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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