Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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