I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
