I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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