he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
