i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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