I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
