My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
