two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
