I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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