jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We left the knife in your bed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
