Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
