just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
