I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
