apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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