Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
