as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
