My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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