Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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