Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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