She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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