I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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