i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
