When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
