I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
