I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
